When a bird transformed my life
After coming home from a 3 year travel from Australia I was a little a lot lost. I lived an amazing life there - on the surface. Living at the beach, surfing everyday, sunrise beach walks, coffee mornings and so much more.. basically I had it all. But something in me kept being restless. So I decided after weighing all the pros and cons - now thinking back, I acted like it was a life or death decision (which it felt like at the time) - to go home (when I still thought home was a physical place). I decided to visit my brother in Northern Ireland. After spending a month cold, restless and pretty homesick (not even knowing where home was). I decided to sign up for a Vipassana course. Ten days, ten hours a day meditating in complete silence.
See the timetable below:
4:00 am Morning wake-up bell
4:30-6:30 am Meditate in the hall or in your room
6:30-8:00 am Breakfast break
8:00-9:00 am Group meditation in the hall
9:00-11:00 am Meditate in the hall or in your room according to the teacher’s instructions
11:00-12:00 noon Lunch break
12 noon-1:00 pm Rest and interviews with the teacher
1:00-2:30 pm Meditate in the hall or in your room
2:30-3:30 pm Group meditation in the hall
3:30-5:00 pm Meditate in the hall or in your own room according to the teacher’s instructions
5:00-6:00 pm Tea break
6:00-7:00 pm Group meditation in the hall
7:00-8:15 pm Teacher’s Discourse in the hall
8:15-9:00 pm Group meditation in the hall
9:00-9:30 pm Question time in the hall
9:30 pm Retire to your own room--Lights out
Now I hear you thinking? WHY would you ever do that for fun?
Because something in me said.. Do it. A friend of mine told me about it and she said I can’t tell you how it was but it changed my life. And I knew I have to do this. 4 years earlier I signed up to do one in Sri Lanka, but I was too scared to do so, so I canceled. (Now thinking of it. Maybe this is my sign to complete one there too where I once wanted to go). Anyhow this time arriving in januari in Barcelona, once again my mind tried to talk me out of it; why would you? Don’t do it.. You’re crazy. Go enjoy the city. But this time I was determined to do so.. So off I went..
The whole experience will be written in my upcoming book PRESENCE.
So if you’re intrigued then you know what to read next.
Anyhow I remember sitting outside on the 2nd day feeling absolutely miserable. I had a war going on. Everyone annoyed me. The teaching was stupid. It was more like a prison. Idiots who made this course up. And everyone annoyed me even if I had no idea how they looked like or who they were. You were just a number - literally.
So sitting outside after dinner (at 11 am) on my plastic chair, behind a fence looking at a mountain contemplating when I should tell the teachers I would leave.. A robin appeared. It stayed and stayed. And everyday came back. So I told the robin - in my head, cuz I couldn’t talk- all of my experiences. You can tell how I struggled .. making a robin my only friend. I felt like we gotten close and a real friendship going on. So everyday after dinner I sat there. On my chair, gazing and contemplating if today would be the day that I would leave. And the robin appeared again and again.
Till the 9th day. I remember having an hour of meditation on that day where we had to sit completely still, you couldn’t move an inch for 1 hour straight. I started meditating and I was completely lost with time. I felt like I was nothing. My body started vanishing. My thoughts became so quiet. Like the chatter finally took a break and realized let’s just sit here. Be here. And in that moment everything felt so clear. I was one with my breath. And I arrived in an infinite space that had no boundaries. no form. nothing. But it felt more beautiful than anything I’ve felt before. And then: The Gong. End of meditation. Really wait? WHUT? Have I been sitting here for over an hour? We just started haven’t we?
Confused, but so at peace and so grateful did I walk outside the mediation hall. And for the first time the sun felt different on my skin. The wind just hit my face so gently and beautiful. I felt so deeply connected with it all. I decided to change my plastic prison chair for a more comfortable bench. And once sitting there, not a robin but the most beautiful bird I have ever seen appeared. Zebra wings & tails and a beautiful crown straight up proudly hopping past. Blinking my eyes, thinking is this real? Do I really see this?
And then I realized. That bird was me. I set myself free.
With joy & love,
Eline Marloes